I am not perfect...

I am not perfect. Hard to imagine, right? But it's true. I am being reminded of this fact almost daily, if not more often.

My whole life, I've tried to do the best I could in everything I do. It gave me something to be proud of myself for, I guess. But recently, I've been "failing" at things I do. It doesn't matter if it's big or small, I can't seem to do everything right these days. Take a look at my morning today, for a prime example.

I woke up early to do laundry, watched the weather channel for a while, had breakfast (cinnamon rolls!) and listened to the glorious rain that was ushering in another beautiful autumn. Then, I decide to straighten my hair. STUPID idea. I had a meeting with my adviser to go over student teaching stuff, so I wanted to look decent. This is where it all goes down hill, folks. I wind up running around trying to grab everything I need, at the same time, realizing that I have NOT finished the worksheet I was supposed to have ready for the meeting and I'm running out of time AND it's RAINING! The very rain that I was savoring earlier turned into a hair-ruining hindrance. As I was driving to campus, it seemed that EVERYONE was going as slow as was physically possible. Once I got to my parking lot, the one I park in every single day, and have never had a problem finding a space in, I find out it is full. To the brim. Overflowing, if you will. But wait! There's a guy who is getting ready to leave! So, I wait, not so patiently. As soon as he pulls out, another truck zooms in to take the spot. If ever there was a time when I would like to curse, that was the time. Doesn't this guy know that I have to be somewhere?! Of course not. So, I turn to plan B. Park in 30 minute parking. Fat chance! I drove all over campus trying to find a spot, meanwhile time was ticking. Finally, with 5 minutes left before my appointment, I give in and drive to overflow parking, seemingly miles away from where I want to be. I left my umbrella in the car. As I practically run to make the meeting that is supposed to be starting right then, a guy stops me to ask for directions! The nerve! Poor guy, he didn't know I was late, so I do my best to give him directions, and then off I go. I make it to my adviser's office, sweating (it's 60 degrees outside, so this is quite a feat), breathing heavily, hair frizzied thanks to that lovely rain, without several aspects of what I was supposed to bring. As I walk in, she says jokingly, "Hey there, slacker!" OH MY GOODNESS! I failed. I apologized profusely, giving a brief explanation of what had happened and asking forgiveness for the fact that I was not prepared. She chuckled. "It's okay. Don't worry about it." Don't worry about it? Are you serious?! That's all I've been doing this morning! But she let me off the hook. Forgave me, just like that. It did not affect her opinions of me (at least I hope not) and I am not in trouble. She even mentioned looking for scholarships for me.

I am definitely not perfect. But guess what?! I don't have to be! Jesus paid for my imperfection so that I am completely, 100% FREE to be who He created me to be. Imperfections and all. This is amazing. A true revelation for me. I realize I need to try my best, and it does look unprofessional to be late and out of breath, but it's okay. I don't need to worry about it. Jesus died and I am forgiven. Big stuff.

Last week at church, we had a guest preacher. He is the president of Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. He spoke about pulpits. A strange thing to speak on, but it fit. He told us about a really old pulpit in Boston (I think...) that has an inscription that only the pastor can see. It says: "He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light." John 1:8. This passage is talking about John, but it is true of all of us. We are not the light. We are not the center of the world, even though some of us may think that at times, myself included. We are only here to bear witness to the Light, Jesus. That is such a freeing thought. As Dr. Wardlaw said, we are not perfect, and that's a good thing. We don't have to be, and we don't have to have it all figured out, because we are not the Light. We only need to point to it.

So, after all of my morning "disasters", I know that I am not the Light. I am not perfect. It does not matter that my hair is a mess after I spent half an hour straightening it this morning. Yeah, it stinks, but it's okay, because Jesus died for my imperfections. And He loves me just the same. I think I have been scared in the past to be imperfect. But now I am realizing that I don't have to be scared of that! I do not have to fear imperfection!